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Caddylights

Reading other people’s minds is one of the many skills the professional limousine driver needs to succeed in his chosen field.

It works like this. You will collect a couple, or three, or four, knowing that they want to start their evening at a particular restaurant or bar. On Harry’s trip sheet, it’s usually referred to as:

Take from residence to Mongrel Grill for dinner, then as directed.

It’s the “as directed” part that sometimes gets messed up.

You know you’re in for a big night when they say, Nah, forget about the Mongrel Grill, we don’t want to go there. Where’s the action in town tonight? Take us there.

Great. Now I’m responsible for the success or failure of their evening, with the resulting effect on everyone’s mood. In this part of Florida there IS nowhere to go on a Tuesday night. Alright, maybe a handful of places that might have some live music and atmosphere, but come on people, the average age here is 231. Dinner service is over at most places by 6:45.

Once they’ve had a few adult beverages, things loosen up. They usually start being more chatty, but also more forgetful. I receive the call to collect them from one place, and everyone piles in. I often just start driving, because it’s not my position to start demanding answers. At some point, someone will shout “Hey, where are you going?” to which I always say, “Sir, wherever you want.” Some form of instruction usually follows.

WHY DON’T YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT TO GO WHILE I’M HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU, YOU IDIOT?

Boy, that feels better.

What’s worse than a fool? A drunk fool in a limousine.

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