Idiots

Ferners.

So, what part of England are you from?

I’m not from England, I’m from Australia.

Oh. Really? What are you doing here?

I won a lottery to become a permanent resident alien.

Is that like that movie? Being an alien? * laughing at their joke *

Oh, yes, in Australia, women often have slimy be-toothed creatures emerge from their abdomen. * laughter, sometimes *

Yes, but why did you move here?

For the opportunity. This is still the best country in the world.

Yes, but….* awkward silence as they think about what to say next *…things aren’t very good here now, you know…* drifting off *

Well, ma’am, like most immigrants, I have a more optimistic view about these things.

Fifteen minutes later I pull up to their private jet sitting on the apron and unload the stack of designer luggage while the pilots fawn over them. They’re off to St Thomas for the week.

Yeah, things aren’t very good here.

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