Detective

Prior to every trip I attempt to find out a little more about the customer. I ask The Boss if they’re young or old, whether it’s a birthday or an anniversary, if they’re drinkers or abstemious. Being prepared makes a big difference, because if I can arrive at the door and announce:

“Hello Mrs Krebopple, congratulations on the anniversary of your splenectomy,”

it makes a good first impression, which will translate into a more relaxed night at a minimum, or a big tip at best.

Last night was a complete mystery, a relatively late-booked four-hour limousine run for eight, to a local Mexican joint, and possibly some nightlife after.

Rolling up to the house, I look for clues. It’s in a decent neighbourhood, but the garden looks unkempt. (Like them all here thesedays, what with the drought and all.) Hmmm, there’s a BMW X5 in the garage, that’s decent money. Then again it might be on the never-never from the boom times. On balance it’s a good sign.

So I knock on the door, and a woman cracks it open.

“She doesn’t know you’re here” she stage whispers pointing to the interior of the house, “We’ll be out in five or ten”.

“Okay”, I whisper back “You take your time, I’m here when you’re ready.”

Still none the wiser, I check the ice, the radio, and the airconditioning in the limo again, and stand in the shade waiting. And waiting. And waiting. That’s really what this job is: a waiting and cleaning gig.

Eventually three of them emerge: the mom, a hot-looking but over-made-up yummy mummy, her seventeen-year-old daughter, and the eight year-old son. It’s the girl’s birthday, and the mother is about to take her and a bunch of her friends out.

I can’t help wondering where the father is, and, why do mothers allow their seventeen year-old daughters to dress like strippers?

Despite my misgivings about a limo-load of teenagers, they were just fine. In fact, they were cleaner, tidier, more polite and in better cheer than a lot of older folk, so kudos to them. I’d even go so far as to say they were sweet, which is a lot coming from me.

So despite the bum rap, my experience with teens has all been good.

Now watch me get through prom season, Tazer at the ready.

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