What are you having for dinner?

I can’t tell you.

What? Why?

Because you’ll mock me.

Oh no.

And give me a hard time.

Probably because you will deserve it.


It’s what I think, isn’t it?

I don’t know. What do you think?

Salmon again?

No, actually. Not tonight.

It must be sardines then. And broccoli. Ugh.

Got it. I really don’t know why this is so bad. The Daily Mail posted an article by a nutritionist who wrote that sardines and broccoli were both superfoods. Better than salmon and kale.

Ugh. I will not take dietary advice from someone from Leeds.

Why not?

I just won’t.

But Miss Whitehead is an authority. And she has a very attractive figure and arresting hair. And that cute Yorkshire accent.

I don’t care. The thought of you eating those poor defenceless fish with their little heads and all makes me sick.

Their heads are chopped off. Like the rabble taking all the smart people’s noggins in the French Revolution.

Why can’t you eat steak? Like normal people?

Because it’s not that good for you.

But I eat it and I’m fine. Plus you eat a dozen little creatures, and I eat only one tiny percentage of the cow.

Steer, probably.


We milk cows and eat the males.


Don’t worry about it. And in any case your comparison is silly. What percentage of a thing that we eat is irrelevant.

No. Not in my book.

So you’re saying that I’m better off eating a much larger portion of a bovine than a half-dozen sardines because six is fewer than 2 percent?